And maybe it’s because of that psychological function–conformation bias–that makes you apt to spotting things that reinforce your own beliefs. So be it: bitterness reinforced, because recently I’ve come across a bunch of contradicting ideas about disability and sex. Let’s try and clarify together.
- Disability does not fit under the idea of ‘neutral difference.’ This mindset seems to have developed as a backlash to the tragedy model of disability, which sees disability as this horrible thing and, when embodied, results in patronizing and pittying behaviour. The tragedy model is a barrier to proper treatment from others, and can hurt the progression of disabled people within society if that view is internalized. The problem with adapting the neutral difference'(which suggests that disability is neither positive nor negative–also, i just made that title up…not sure if there is a term that already describes this, and i have SO much homework to do. Tragedy model is pre-established though) view in response to unequal treatment is that neutral difference fails to separate person from disability, and serves to deny them, on some level, of their struggle. Repeatedly, this idea that disability just is and should not be seen with any kind of connotation. Uhh, what? When something doesn’t work, like legs, spine, brain, any kind of receptors, that is a negative by nature, no? Sure, some disabled minorities, such as the deaf community, have done an excellent job building culture and empowerment around their sense of mutuality, and perhaps they’d take that over hearing ears, but that took years to build, and many people with hearing difficulty have more than likely lamented it at one point.
It is this difference that makes neutral difference fairly inapplicable to disability. If we want to move forward, we need to stop trying to label our difference as neutral, or even minimizing it, and start talking about how that difference affects us. Denial, and ignorance, breeds really fast, so lets start the convo now.
- We all have similar struggles. yeah right. Sex for men with my condition tends to be easier logistically. At least on a vaginal-penial level (sorry mother/relatives). Even within my own sex, some with my disability have an easier time with sex than I do, while some have it in a less conventional or more challenging way(not mutually exclusive). Cerebral Palsy has a hugeeeeeeeeeee range of severity and manifests differently for everyone. And yet, we get lumped in with MD and SMA and blind people all the time. Quit blanketing disabilities. Start understanding individuals instead.
- We have our sexuality figured out. Obviously this differs on a person-to-person level, and it should, the same way that some people have sex in their socks and others are comfy exposing their alien feet. But, expect to figure out likes/dislikes with the person on some level. Difference, in my experience, comes up in an unexpecting way with every new partner. People react differently. People are different.
I really need to go sleep/write a paper/throw up(flu? FML)so i’m gonna stop the anger here. Also, I realize that in my plea protesting overgeneralization I have overgeneralized. What a hypocrite.