I debated whether or not to pump this one out, ableism is a tough stubborn sickness with almost no foreseeable cure. In the interest of making you less grumpy after reading this post, I’ve decided to discuss ableism in my favourite reoccurring instance: online dating.
Don’t act like you thought I’d write about anything else.
Selfies and texting are my number one ways to make sure the person I’m chatting up online is not Patrick Bateman’s grandchild. On average, I’ll text a person for a couple days before meeting up with them. Obviously, this gives me the change to sniff out their sense of humor, education level, aspects of their personality and online dating intentions. Sometimes front-camera photos of their mustache also gives me a clear view of their toilet, or yesterday’s boxers.
On the most practical level, texting pre-meet is useful for having the “Disability Talk”. It usually starts with me saying, “So did you read my profile or just wank to my picture?”
Sometimes men reply with “Hahahah what?” Which, for any of you naive females out there, means you’ve been wanked to. Sorry.
At this point I pull out the disability bomb.
“So I should mention that I’m in a wheelchair.” And the bomb is dropped. If I listen hard enough, I can hear crickets and pins dropping, and ever so faintly, God shedding a tear.
With a nice, aware, mildly educated dude, the response is usually, “Oh, ok. I didn’t know that. But it doesn’t really bother me.” In my experience, this is pretty much as good as it gets when it comes to reactions to my disability. Anytime I hear a guy “isn’t bothered” my heart slows down a little and I know the online whoring can continue with confidence. This response is funny though, when you juxtapose it with other “minority” experiences. Picture it:
“Oh btw, I use glasses for fine-print and to look more hipster”
“Oh, geeze, I didn’t know that, but I guess it doesn’t bother me.”
“Oh by the way, I’m black”
“WHAT? Oh, I guess it’s fine. Do you blend in with the nighttime?”
Allow me to knit-pick for about another sentence… Disability shouldn’t even be a “something-someone-might-be-bothered-by. Blah blah in a perfect world, we’ve got a ways to go, blah blah.
Anyways, when I’m texting a soon-to-be-dud, his reaction to my disability is noticeably more awful. I could dedicate a whole three other blog posts to the silly, absurd things these poor ignorant souls say to me about my disability. But, I’ll save you some cringing and just give you the two most recent instances.
This isn’t so bad, and not so uncommon. It’s probably some dude whose genitalia ran away with his common sense/social tact, and he thought it smart to mention that banging a girl in a chair would be a cool knotch on his bedpost. Similar to how little kids like to try all the different flavours of icecream just cuz its free and the little spoons are fun. Only the little kid is 31 and the icecream is a woman.
On the harsher side of things, this reaction to my wheelchair happened yesterday:
As you can see by my reply, I was ticked off by this guy. My bad. He had been texting me for days and wanted to be all up in my personal life, and for all his curiosity, couldn’t deal (and didnt even ask about) my wheelchair.
Ah POF, you get what you pay for.
Happy Girls Premiere Night!