Stuff You’re Just a Bit Too Old For

Lately, everyone’s blabbing about those Generation Y’s and how positively self-obsessed they are. It seems like every other meme is that picture of a cassette tape and a pencil with the caption “Your kids will never understand the connection,” in honor of lamenting Gen X’s middle-agehood.

Yeah yeah, we get it.

Yeah yeah, we get it.

But in the midst of aging tears, a group of people, particularly those born between ’83-’89, have fallen through the cracks. These are the people who are too old to enjoy the most self-absorbed parts of modern technology, but too young to bitch about it over clam chowder and The Price is Right. Here’s a list of things we just can’t do in good conscience:

  1. Selfies. I thought it best to get the mos obvious (and perhaps most painful) out of the way first. Don’t get me wrong, I gave selfies more than a justiified try in 2013, but when the Funeral Selfie became a popular trend, I really re-thunk my options. Sure, selfies are good for new haircuts, a makeup blunder, maybe even a zit the size of the Skydome, but we’re supposed to be old enough to know not to make funerals about us.
  2. Buzzfeed. This one hurts a little. Between the quick wit of the shortest listicles (List articles) ever made, and the demanding bright colours, Buzzfeed makes me feel kinda happy I’m alive. But then I come across a New Girl GIF and feel nauseated by the repetitive  motions of her owl-eyed face and think, “Shit, my eyes can’t handle this.” Yep. Old.NEWGIRLsad
  3. Understanding new social mediums. Sure, your mind is totally open to Pinterest. In fact, you’re so excited by the vibrant collage of pics+words that you feel like a 5 yr old discovering Legos and ditching big blocks. But lesbihonest, when it comes down to it,  you’re about as knowledgeable as an old person in awe of the non-tactile, ever-elusive, electronic buttons on your iPhone. This stuff is just way too much for you.
  4. HBO’s “Girls”. You’re older than the best character on the show (No, not Hannah, she sticks stuff in her ears to validate her crazy–and she’s 24.) –Shoshanna. So go back to your Sex and the City and your box TV. Maybe watch reruns of Friends while you’re there.

    Don't you wish you could talk like her without people scoffing?

    Don’t you wish you could talk like her without people scoffing?.

  5. Reddit. Sometimes I still find myself visiting this site. I get all “Oh, I could use some tidbits of useless news,” and then I read a headline that says, “Fuck the Police!” linked to a picture of a cat skateboarding. Buhhhn Buuuhnnnnn.
  6. Blogs. You’d love to make meaning out of your life for all to see. But doing so puts you in the same ranks as the soccer mom who blogs her way through the most trendy cross stitch. Really, the only thing that separates you from her is that you’re too young to have learned a useful skill worth blogging, thanks to your on-the-fence generation status. That’s totally your parent’s turf. (Yesifeeltheironyhere).
  7. Instagram. Madonna just got in trouble for using the “N Word” on the website. That could so easily be you. or your grandma. You know you’re too old not to misuse social media when.

That’s all I got. Happy Blue Monday people!

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14 Comments

    • Thx so much Rita! I read a post of yours called “adult friendship” which I found very relatable, but I couldn’t find a space to comment. I wondered if you’ve read or are interested in any of the psychology around attachment and attachment theory, as it might give u some small but helpful consoling insights about your hot and cold issues with friendship. Might be worth a look, specifically anxious/avoidant attachment style.
      🙂

  1. That list makes me realize I have the mental age of a girl in college, even though I was born in 82. BUT that could be because the moment internet became a part of my life, I absorbed every single thing about it. I’m a big Social Media nerd, so I’m into selfies, blogs, Instagram, and even Buzzfeed… Although, my claim to old age is not having cable tv, therefore, no time for Girls. Not complaining. That show is annoying.

  2. YES TO THIS! Damnit! Born ’83 and too old to be one of the cool kids and FAR to young to be in with the ‘In Crowd’ of bloggers.

    Good GRIEF!

    Thank you for writing this. I suddenly feel an awful lot like I might want to make friends with you!

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