Here’s What Having a CP Spasm is Like

One of the perks of having some types of Cerebral Palsy is that you often feel like you’re in the midst of falling. This sensation is due to a slew of different damages, namely to the equilibrium and the Moro Reflex. In simple terms, your brain on CP doesn’t really know where its centre of gravity is, and coincidentally your reflexes overreact to every goddamn thing.

I think we should spend some time on this topic today, because us CP kids don’t get nearly enough credit for making it through life everyday. If you need clarification on what I’m talking about, imagine feeling like a gust of wind suddenly tried to blow you over every time you stood up, except there’s no gust of wind, your brain is just kidding.

Most accurately, in my experience, having a fucked up Startle (Moro) reflex doesn’t just make you feel like you’re falling, it also makes you spasm hard. It’s almost as if your brain is like “OH NO, IMPENDING DOOM, spaz, spaz,” and then you come back to reality and have to act normal. The actual “brain spasm” only lasts about half a second on average,  and the recovery is actually the hardest part. It consists of feeling all your muscles go from punch-a-duck-tense back to totally relaxed. All the while pretending like you’re cool as a fucking cucumber.

I digress, Here are the situations our CP brains deserve kudos for living through:

1. Not spilling your coffee even though it was fucking hot and you glitched out on three separate sips

2. Spilling your coffee, but not spilling more as you cleaned it up. You’re growing up.

3. Surviving the derp-outs that come with going up that unexpected/camouflaged hill on your new short cut.

4. Sitting through a whole too-loud school presentation with lots of pointless, shitty, sound effects without laughing embarrassingly at yourself or leaving the room.You have a disability, your disability doesn’t have you.

5. Not eating the grated cheese you dropped on your lap as a result of a lunch-time spasm. Starving is better than drawing even more attention to yourself.

6. Having the discipline not to eat the M&MS you spilled in your lap because you’re spazzy. So much class.

7. Knowing enough to know that eating chicken out of your crotch is not attractive.

8. Not falling off the toilet even when the toilet seat moves for no reason and scares the piss out of you.

9. Not falling off your chair after not falling off the toilet.

10. Not refusing to pay even though coins are stupid, make you more spazzy than Lorde, and should be a banned form of currency.

11. Not shouting “You’re hurting my brain, like actually, causing me damage.” every time an obnoxious human enters your space. Inevitably, everyday.

Congrats, you’ve made it through the first day of the noisy/changing week. Life’s an asshole, but you’re a star.

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2 Comments

  1. I have a friend who lives approx. 2 hours from me who has CP. Her mobility problems include not being able to stop once she gets going. She’ll be walking along, keeping up with everyone else. Everyone stops for one reason or another, but she can’t. She will go around in circles until her brain finally decides to take the message to stop. Aggravating to say the least.

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