Please Stop Talking About That #Qdoba Restaurant

You’ve seen it; the viral video that shows a Qdoba restaurant fast food employee helping a PwD eat their meal.In case you live in a blissful world where people don’t have social media, here it is:

This video has been trending on-and-off on Twitter and Facebook since this afternoon, and it’s annoying, because the rhetoric around it is all wrong.


News reporters and common folk alike are calling this happening an “act of kindness” and the uploader of the video said the instance was proof “that there are still good people out there.”

I will be that person, to state that this is a very well-accepted form of exploitation of PwD. Many ablebodies are watching the video with butterflies in their stomachs, wiping stray tears from their eyes, as their hearts grow three sizes.

Stop the madness. Wipe your tear. Think about the facts:

– A disabled woman needed to eat.

-This woman made an order at a restaurant.

– She then asked for help eating.

– The guy decided he could assist her, put on gloves, and she ate.

That’s it. Sorry to bore you. Nothing to see here.

As I’ve been the girl to both need help and give others help with eating, I can tell you that it’s nothing to fuss over. As someone who can usually eat without assistance, I can tell you that it sucks when circumstance demands that I need help with it. You know what makes it worse? MAKING A BIG DEAL ABOUT IT, at the expense of my dignity.

Please stop reiterating our over-glorification of human kindness, at the expense of others. It’s  oppressive to those needing help.




  1. The act was kind. But where is the outrage over the lack of appropriate support services which would allow her to access the community without needing to rely on strangers? I agree with everything you said.

  2. Kdub.. I have workers who hesitate more than this guy with no experience, as if you need experience to feed someone… I just liked the post because no one was killed, made fun of, I didn’t have to hear vulgarity, or see gratuitous T&A. Someone asked for assistance and it was given. Period. No questioning, no “what’s in it for me” no expectations. She wasn’t treated poorly for asking, or made to feel guilty. There was no study or doctor’s note to be had. Just a nice little show of kindness and great customer service. Kind of how all persons should be treated.

  3. “Kind of how all persons should be treated.” Exactly. I know why you liked it, Deb, more in a “And this person is better than most of the attendants that work for me!” type of way, rather than a “Look! THIS DUDE IS A SAINT” way. My issue with this was with the latter frame of thought. I’m aware that the struggle is real for you when it comes to finding attendants that are good employees… 😉

  4. I feel like the key to dealing with this video is to approach it simultaneously on two separate tracks. One is to acknowledge that it’s an example of something happening in the right way, more or less. What we see happening is good. The other track is to ask why the woman in the wheelchair didn’t have an attendant of her own, as Denise asks, and also to note what an invasion of privacy it was for some random customer to film this and make it public. It’s not an either/or thing. Both interpretations are valid, both important.

    Also, I think Deborah’s comment is telling. There are lots of people out there who really hate “bad news”, and crave “uplifting” stories more than some of us can fully understand. So there’s a tendency to “defend” these good news, “inspiration porn” stories from us grumpy nay-sayers … even though our concerns really are valid.

    • I agree that what is happening is good, and that it’s important to ask why the PwD didn’t have her own attendant. I also like what you say about the motivation behind ppl needing inspo-porn/hero-porn stories like this. I just don’t think that need should be filled by PwD. And I don’t give two fucks if I sound grumpy about it. No matter its intent, objectification of anyone–which is what happening here–is a piss off.

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