Pathetic Guilty Pleasures I Commit Daily.

It'll save you from yourself.

It’ll save you from yourself.

For me, guilty pleasures and ‘things I do when I’m sad’ are synonymous. Maybe I group them together because feeling sadness is associated with guilt for me. Too deep for this blog? I think yes.

In the spirit of keeping it light I have made a list of things I–and come on, some of my friends must do too (please tell me I ain’t loco)- do when I’m feeling sad. I’m talking about the things I know I probably shouldnt do, but do, under the “but I’m just feeling shitty right now” guise.I’m making it up as fast as my fingers will allow, so feel free to add any zingers I’ve left out. Apparently this blog allows for the preservation of anonymity. Thanks for the piano hands mom. Here goes:

  • Eating Nutella by the jar. Okay, truth be told, I just discovered the heaven that is Nutella yesterday. It took percisely 24 hours for me to integrate it as a coping mechanism. Meanwhile,I seem to have lost my abs. Hmphh.
  • Texting people I shouldn’t If you’ve ever thought “this would be exactly the sort of thing so-and-so-ex would understand” and then sent a picture of an angry cat with some witty sarcasm that no one’s ever thought of before, you know what I’m saying. The sad truth on top of sadness is that your ex has probably lost your number by now and your opening up worms that multiple faster than fruit flies. I LOVE MIXING METAPHORS. Take that, BA I still can’t believe I have.
  • Blaring Sinead O’connor and pretending that she knows your heart. Because it’s true, nothing does compare to your last boyfriend and we’re all gonna die alone.
  • Blaring Wrecking ball and laughing for half a second because apparently Miley And Sinead are openly fighting, which is silly, because they have the same root problem: SADNESS.
  • Wondering if Miley listens to herself when she’s sad
  • Posting too much useless info on Facebook. “Hey everybody, here’s me! I’m here. Like my pics and laugh at my jokes! Distract me from myself!” Me, everyday.
  • Fibbing to everyone that your just swamped with school, which you are, but sadness trumps all. Okay, really Nutella trumps all. Which came first, the sadness or the Nutella?
  • Gravitating towards other sadsacks. See other person with dead-eyes on the bus, stare deeply, and raise them your poker face. Misery loves eyes just as souless as yours. For a minute, you might feel something.
  • Contemplating your life, your choices, your peers. As if thinking is gonna change anything.
  • Thinking about how sad you are.  I’ll say it, I’m that girl who, when getting shitfaced, continually talks about how drunk she is. And even if I havent drank that much, my lies will scrounge up some extra buzz and I’ll start slurring my words. Sadness can also have this bio-feedback/placebo type effect, and it’s pretty hard to be aware of. Especially if your friends are too nice to tell you to snap dafuq out of it.
  • Writing in your blog. She just gets me, you know? She doesnt even have to say anything.
  • Going to bed early. Because YOLO, and when your old, sleep wont be for killing your emotions but because your body is slowly shutting down. I’d take the former any day.

MMMM Nutella and bed. Maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow, mature.

PS to all my worry-wart friends, I am fine. Just a little bit grumpy, no big D MY BLOG IS MY SHRINK. Biii.